BFN for IVF#2...

Sigh. I knew it was coming but it still hurts. I did a few home pregnancy tests during the week and they were stark white. I cried off and on all day today- and not just a few tears but full blown sobbing in preparation for my beta result phone call in the afternoon. I asked the nurse for the actual beta number this time and she said "less than 1...which means that it didn't even try and implant". Gut-punch. I held it together as I tried to ask her questions about doing a FET when my dad  knocked at the door. I only had a sports bra on as I had been on the treadmill and had to quickly try and out a t-shirt on while talking to the nurse and answering the door. I knew I wasn't going to be able to contain myself if my dad came in and listened to me on the phone so I just said "bad time dad" and shut the door. I felt bad seeing his expression as he was probably wondering what was going on (he didn't know about the transfer). I got through the rest of the phone call with the nurse and asked the questions I needed to. I then hopped back onto the treadmill and wailed my way through another 15 minutes. I must have looked like a crazy person! My husband was not expecting me to be so upset when he got home as he thought I was prepared for the result. I was a little angry at him for not understanding how devastated I was with the confirmed negative result but I can't complain. He has been so great through this whole process. So...what now? I've decided to get my natural killer cells tested at another clinic as ours does not do this. They have asked me to call them on the day of my period and then come in on cycle day 21 for a uterine biopsy. If I test positive I will probably have to have intralipid infusions in addition to the prednisolone I already take. Luckily both clinics are happy for me to see the other at the same time. I've also been thinking the last few days about whether we continue with single embryo transfers or do a double transfer next time? Anyway, I think we're going to need time to digest this cycle before we can think ahead but my personality naturally looks to solve the problem. I think it's just easier to distract myself with new plans rather than stop and feel the pain that is so heavy in my heart...