Monday, 18 March 2013

A tough day....

You know those days where things just don't seem to go well right from the start? Well today was one of those days. I woke up exhausted from a work trip the day before. One of the kids at work (I work with special needs kids)  had a big meltdown and I had to chase him over a gate where I banged my right knee really hard (which made it extra hard to catch him before anyone else got hurt!). I then had to race off for my 13 day ultrasound and happened to mention that I was worried I may have a yeast infection as my cervical fluid had been thicker. The nurse decided to do a smear and unfortunately the speculum accidentally jammed shut on the wall if my vagina (sorry I wasn't going to sugar-coat it) which was extremely painful. Luckily she said it all looked fine and the  subsequent ultrasound showed a 26mm follicle on my right side. I was in a hurry to get back to work but just to be sure the nurse thought I should get my LH levels checked to ensure ovulation was imminent. She said if my results were not great she would call me at work by 4pm to say I should return to the clinic for a trigger shot. After a long wait at the pathology place- where the staff did not notice my "I'm in a hurry" non-verbal cues while they chatted in reception- the  pathology collector proceeded to stab away at my right arm repeatedly before finally hitting the vein and getting a sample. I jumped back into the car and in my haste to get back to work wasn't paying attention to the speed I was going and was snapped by a roadside speed camera. Dammit! I got back to work frazzled and with a sore knee, sore arm and sore you-know-what and just couldn't get back into the groove of work. The clinic had not phoned me by 4pm so I headed off home relieved to have finished my day. Half way into my hour long trip home I get a call to say my LH was low and that I needed to come back quickly for a trigger shot! Aaaaaargh. So I turned around and drove 30 minutes back to the clinic to get a nice painful needle in my left arm before finally heading home. I arrived home totally drained and feeling quite sorry for myself when my sister arrived. I was surprised to see her as she very rarely visits and after prattling on about my less than awesome day she said rather hesitantly "I'm pregnant". I immediately burst into tears while trying to reassure her I was very happy for her and that I was sorry I was crying. There was no way I could try and pretend I wasn't overwhelmed with my own sadness but I didn't want to take away from her happiness. I asked her some questions about how far along she was/ how she was feeling etc and gave her hugs while continuing to cry a bit. She was very considerate and I hated feeling like she should be apologetic. I broke down like I had never done before when she left. It hurt so much. I wanted a baby so much and even feeling her tummy pressing against mine when we hugged made me  ache with a huge sense of despair and- I hate to say it- jealousy too. I wailed and sobbed as I cooked dinner and even cried while I ate it- which scared the cat who looked very unsure of why I was acting so strangely. My husband was as supportive as ever and I loved him so much for his concern and love.

I hate the thought of having had such a massive pity party for myself today and I know that other people have so much worse to deal with but it was just a tough day. Such is life :)

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