Monday, 20 April 2015

2 months to go!

I'm still here I promise. As I type I'm getting some very strong kicks from bubs and as uncomfortable as some of them are I love, love, love the reassurance that everything is still going ok. I feel like it has been so long since my BFP and I just hope the next few months flies by and our little baby is here safe and sound before too long. I still live in fear that something will go wrong but I think that is just infertility brain.

There have been some challenging moments emotionally over the last few months as I contine to process having a child that is not genetically half mine and half my husbands. I hate to admit it and wish I didn't have those thoughts but sometimes I still feel sad that 'normal' IVF didn't work and I won't know the feeling of looking into eyes that resemble my own.. I  don't know if that sounds narcisstic but I do have pangs of grief that I have to work through and that sometimes bring about negative responses that I wish I didn't display. I think it's a work in process and I know once the baby is here I will love it more than anything- I already do. 

So now I'm just focusing on getting through the last trimester as healthy and prepared as I can. I know that once the baby is born it will be a new and different world and I hope it is as great as I imagine. It's been 4 years since I started this journey with my husband and to see the finish line finally in sight is both scary and exciting (scary only because I worry something will take us right back to the start). I hope everything goes well :)