Monday, 25 March 2013

Family response to infertility and TTC

I'm really struggling with my parents response to our infertility. As I mentioned in my last post my sister announced that she was pregnant last week and not once have my parents spoken to me about this news- even though I have spoken to them three times! While I am happy for my sister and have taken her gifts to show my support for her pregnancy I am really hurt that my parents have basically been acting as if nothing has happened. Early on in this whole process my mother mentioned that she didn't know if I wanted to talk about TTC and I clearly told her that I really appreciated it when people asked me how everything was going. I know it must be hard to know what to say but I thought that if they were really unsure they could at least send a text to say "How are you going?" or "Hope you're feeling OK" etc. Am I being unreasonable thinking that they might talk to me about our infertility and my sister's pregnancy? It's not that I want to take away from my sister's wonderful news but I thought my parents would understand that this is a difficult time for me- especially considering she didn't try for long and we have been trying for nearly 2 years. I feel confused, upset and angry and I have to say this has been the most difficult week in this whole process for me. As always I don't want to be a Debbie Downer so I am trying to be positive and look forward to the next chapter- which will hopefully be IVF :)

Monday, 18 March 2013

A tough day....

You know those days where things just don't seem to go well right from the start? Well today was one of those days. I woke up exhausted from a work trip the day before. One of the kids at work (I work with special needs kids)  had a big meltdown and I had to chase him over a gate where I banged my right knee really hard (which made it extra hard to catch him before anyone else got hurt!). I then had to race off for my 13 day ultrasound and happened to mention that I was worried I may have a yeast infection as my cervical fluid had been thicker. The nurse decided to do a smear and unfortunately the speculum accidentally jammed shut on the wall if my vagina (sorry I wasn't going to sugar-coat it) which was extremely painful. Luckily she said it all looked fine and the  subsequent ultrasound showed a 26mm follicle on my right side. I was in a hurry to get back to work but just to be sure the nurse thought I should get my LH levels checked to ensure ovulation was imminent. She said if my results were not great she would call me at work by 4pm to say I should return to the clinic for a trigger shot. After a long wait at the pathology place- where the staff did not notice my "I'm in a hurry" non-verbal cues while they chatted in reception- the  pathology collector proceeded to stab away at my right arm repeatedly before finally hitting the vein and getting a sample. I jumped back into the car and in my haste to get back to work wasn't paying attention to the speed I was going and was snapped by a roadside speed camera. Dammit! I got back to work frazzled and with a sore knee, sore arm and sore you-know-what and just couldn't get back into the groove of work. The clinic had not phoned me by 4pm so I headed off home relieved to have finished my day. Half way into my hour long trip home I get a call to say my LH was low and that I needed to come back quickly for a trigger shot! Aaaaaargh. So I turned around and drove 30 minutes back to the clinic to get a nice painful needle in my left arm before finally heading home. I arrived home totally drained and feeling quite sorry for myself when my sister arrived. I was surprised to see her as she very rarely visits and after prattling on about my less than awesome day she said rather hesitantly "I'm pregnant". I immediately burst into tears while trying to reassure her I was very happy for her and that I was sorry I was crying. There was no way I could try and pretend I wasn't overwhelmed with my own sadness but I didn't want to take away from her happiness. I asked her some questions about how far along she was/ how she was feeling etc and gave her hugs while continuing to cry a bit. She was very considerate and I hated feeling like she should be apologetic. I broke down like I had never done before when she left. It hurt so much. I wanted a baby so much and even feeling her tummy pressing against mine when we hugged made me  ache with a huge sense of despair and- I hate to say it- jealousy too. I wailed and sobbed as I cooked dinner and even cried while I ate it- which scared the cat who looked very unsure of why I was acting so strangely. My husband was as supportive as ever and I loved him so much for his concern and love.

I hate the thought of having had such a massive pity party for myself today and I know that other people have so much worse to deal with but it was just a tough day. Such is life :)

Thursday, 7 March 2013

First month of Clomid

Well our first round of Clomid is finished. It wasn't successful in the sense that we didn't get pregnant but we had some promising signs during the cycle to show that my body responded well to the medication. My doctor prescribed Clomid for days 5 to 9- which was different than what I had read in books and on forums. I was unsure why he had recommended this type of treatment plan but research indicated that the later you take Clomid the better quality eggs you're likely to create and the earlier you take Clomid the more eggs you're likely to produce. I experienced a few minor side-effects including a dry mouth, reduced cervical mucous and a general feeling of being a bit 'off' for a few days. We used Pre-Seed lubrication to compensate for the reduced cervical mucous.

I had a day-10 ultrasound on a Friday rather than the typical day-12 ultrasound because I have had a corpus luteum on a previous day-12 ultrasound (which proved I had already ovulated in the cycle). My 10 day ultrasound showed a 17mm follicle on my left side with some other smaller ones on my right side. The nurse said I would probably ovulate the following day but my BBT's (temperature) dipped on the Monday morning so I felt that I had ovulated then. I also had left side pain on that day. I had a progesterone test the following Friday which showed a level of 22 and then one on Monday whihc was 55.5- which pretty much proved I had ovulated on the Monday (Day 13). Overall the cycle was positive but getting my period was particularly hard. I figured that because the odds were higher of getting pregnant the disappointment was also higher because my expectations were raised. At the moment the plan is to take Clomid again this month and then move to IUI. I'm definitely not keen on IUI because of the low success rates so I may still go straight to IVF. I discussed this with my nurse today and she seemed to think this would be possible- although they did recommend the IUI process before going through the more invasive IVF procedures. No matter what I feel like we're getting a little closer :)