Saturday, 18 October 2014

Finally- our BFP!!!

Wow, wow, wow!!!

We are officially pregnant!!!!

I still can't quite believe it, and am quite scared that it will only be temporary. I'm not used to good news so it has been tricky to get my head around the fact that this could be it. We could actually have a baby in 8 months. I thought we were out of the running after experience some bleeding but after an increase in progesterone this has stopped and the lines on the home pregnancy test continued to get darker. Our beta has more than doubled in 48 hours and everything is now riding on the first ultrasound in a few weeks. I am terrified that the scan will give us bad news but I'm trying to stay positive.

Yesterday I looked through some of the baby items I've had in storage for the last few years and for the first time felt excitement rather than sadness and longing. I haven't looked at these items for quite a while and the thought that I might be able to finally use them makes my heart glow.

I know there is still a long road ahead of us but I am just so thrilled to make it this far and to know that my body can actually get pregnant.

Thank you so much for the people who pop by this blog and a special thanks to those who leave comments. It's a big support.

***I apologise for being a bit vague with specifics but as I said in an earlier post I am aware of trying to keep this blog anonymous and so am trying to keep identifying details out***

Friday, 10 October 2014

Blastocyst on board!!!

Wow, wow, wow!!! I have a 5 day embryo in my belly!!! I hope it's settling in nicely and continuing to grow and implant soon. In addition to our little embie on board we have more blasts on ice as well!!! This doesn't happen to us. This whole donor cycle has gone so positively that I'm having difficulty believing our good luck could possibly continue...I can't bring myself to believe we could have a positive beta on top of all this.

I've taken it easy since transfer and have basically been reading, watching TV and catching up with a few family and friends when I feel like a break in routine. I decided not to go to work straight away this time and have organised for five days at home :) It's been lovely and I've taken the time to try and talk with my little embryo and focus on it making a nice little home in my lining. This afternoon I wandered around our garden in the sun giving my tummy a little rub every now and then while I willed it to stay. I'm not sure whether it is because of the egg donor side of this cycle but I want to form a bond early on...knowing full well that things may not turn out so great but wanting to do whatever I can to help this precious little one stay around.

I wonder if I can do it. Does my body actually know how to be pregnant? I have given it all the ingredients and done everything to prepare it for transfer but will it actually be able to grow a little human being?

I hope so :)

Saturday, 4 October 2014

I love them already

Well I've been a little quiet in the lead up to our cycle. It's been a worrying time but I am relieved that we have successfully gone through egg retrieval and have more than 10 embryos successfully fertilise. Our egg donor was simply amazing. Anybody who has gone through a stim cycle and egg retreival knows just how uncomfortable it is, and I'm in awe of the fact that she would do this for nothing more than the opportunity to make our dreams come true. I've said it before but I know this journey has made me reassess everything and has hopefully changed me for the better as a person- especially for knowing such beautiful and selfless people like our egg donor.

We are still not out of the woods yet obviously. Hopefully our embryos continue to grow and divide and we will have some precious blastocysts to transfer/freeze. I love these embryos already and feel just as excited about the thought that our future child/ren could be in their first stages of life as I would if the embryos were from one of our own egg retrievals.

I feel different in a good way this cycle. I know that everything could change in a heart-beat but I feel more hope than I have in a long time. I'm thinking of baby things again and picturing my husband and I with a family. For a period of time there these thoughts felt like dark and blurry images that were too far for me to they seem close enough to touch.

Please, please, please let this be it...