Tuesday, 25 February 2014

IVF #3 (Cycle 5)

Well we're back on the horse again so to speak. We have changed clinics and will be now be receiving treatment through Monash IVF in Melbourne with the doctor I consulted with last year about natural killer cells. We have no more embryos at our other clinic and are hopefully making a fresh start with a brand new plan. It has been more stressful as the new clinic is a long way to travel but I hope that it will all be worth it. This will be our third fresh IVF cycle and fifth cycle overall as we've had two frozen embryo transfers. I am on A LOT of new drugs that are very expensive. For example my progesterone in oil (PIO) injections are $50+ a shot and my SciTropin (Human Growth Hormone) is $100+ a shot on top of the Gonal-F, Menopur, Ovidrel, Dexamethasone, Melatonin, Aspirin, Androderm patches, Orgalutran, Clexane injections, Augmentin antibiotic, Pregynl injections, Estradot patches and my intralipid infusions!!! Then I have to take Vitamin D, CoQ10, Fish oil and a multivitamin. My husband is also on antibiotics during my stimulation phase which is new. I feel exhausted just thinking about it all...

I was hoping to save my sick days as I know this new cycle is going to require a lot more time off work but unfortunately I came down with gastroenteritis yesterday. It was awful and by body was aching by the end of it from all the vomiting. I almost went to work today as I was feeling much better but decided to take another day's sick leave to recoup my energy and get some other errands done. Our saving have taken a massive hit over the past year and they are getting very low. My husband is trying to do more weekend work and we're not spending money on anything that is not essential.

There was another baby born yesterday to a close friend. I received the text in between vomiting bouts. This will be about the 10th baby born to a close friend since we started trying for ours. I feel empty and angry and sad and tired. I use the word 'joypathy' to describe my reaction to other people's pregnancy/birth announcements as I feel happy for them but not for me. It's been nearly 3 years of trying to conceive but it feels like 30. I'd love to say I'm pumped about this next cycle but I'm not. The only positive news we've had over the past few years is my husband's sperm results and when our embryos have fertilised. I'm sick of failure, disappointment and overwhelming grief. I've become very good at smiling, laughing and being social when all I want to do is sit at home and watch TV. I don't really want to speak to anyone other than my husband. I'm not depressed but have definitely changed. We have learnt so much about ourselves, and others. I have become closer with certain people and more distant from others. I know who my supports are and which people feel more comfortable avoiding me. I have learnt to be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life yet cannot release the weight of the constant desire to have a family. It is in my thoughts almost constantly. I'm sending my love and positive energy to anyone on a similar journey. Infertility is such an isolating journey but knowing you are not alone is so important.


  1. Thinking of you again, and you are not alone. I changed from Melb IVF [after 3 failed cycles] to Monash IVF to Dr Nick late last year and he immediately [after diagnosing me with 'very high NKC's'] put me on 4 months of 'egg quality improving drugs' [because of my age] I HATED waiting that long to start a cycle, but it went quickly, and here I am now in the dreaded 2ww [and not feeling anything this time, its bizarre, I just feel numb] This [he] was our last hope and we have put everything into this last cycle, and won't be doing another one [age, finance, time, emotion] I check every week to see if you have posted as your story keeps on being so similar to mine [and hundreds of others I'm sure!] and so want yours to be a happy story with a beautiful baby at the end of it. Sending my love and positive energy to you too and urge you to keep on writing as its helps so many of us on this all consuming journey, love Sophie xx

  2. Wow- thank you so much for your post Sophie. I'm in limbo at the moment...I thought cycle day 1 was yesterday but now all spotting has stopped so I'm anxiously waiting on a call from Dr Nick to find out whether I start stims tonight or not. It's been 31 days since my last period and I'm wondering if this testosterone is mucking up my cycle. I know how hard the 2WW is so I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best for your cycle. Thank you again for your lovely post- it had been a particularly tough day so it really means a lot xoxo

  3. Thank you and lovely to hear back from you so quickly :) Yes could definitely be the testosterone. It so confusing isn't it? I also have an annoying 3-4 days of spotting b4 starting full flow [I think DHEA related] This last cycle I had no idea when to start stims. He initially said [way before the cycle] start as soon as there was spotting [his words: 'as soon as there is activity in the endometrium'] but when that happened I spoke to the nurse [who spoke to him for me and he said to start the day after full flow??] I did then have EPU on day 12 [so I do wonder if I started too late in my cycle] but it didn't matter anyway as all the drugs were adjusted along the way and I quickly caught up [and they will offer you a scan/bloods on day 6 which is great] I'm 6dp4dt [not 5dt as fell last Sunday and I needed a anaesthetic, so had to be done by Dr Nick himself the day before]I was a bit disappointed as wanted to have the security of a blastocyst transfer, but I have only ever had 2 or 3dt's before, so am a little more hopeful than usual! I have such faith in this new Dr.. he is abrupt and to the point, and I always leave his room [or the phone] thinking there was something else I should have asked him! But he comes highly recommended [from my fellow nurses] and have seen a very kind and compassionate side to him. Trust in what he advises, he really knows his stuff. Soph xx

  4. Thanks Sophie. I'm still waiting for his call so hopefully I'll feel some relief after he has told me what to do next. I have everything crossed for your cycle and will obviously keep you posted on mine xoxo