The next step: Clomid, IUI and IVF

Well the ball is officially rolling. I had my follow up appointment with our Fertility Specialist this morning and was really nervous about what he was going to say. It has been a bit over 4 months since we were told to go away and try naturally after my laparoscopy and I was worried he would just tell me to keep trying. I wasn't keen on the thought of Clomid as it had not been successful for friends of mine and while I didn't want to jump the gun straight to IVF I also dreaded the thought of a long and drawn out process of less invasive treatments that ended in IVF anyway. The appointment didn't take very long and after some quick questions about "how things have been going" and a check of my most recent 21-day progesterone test (it was 37- woohoo!) the doctor asked how I felt about IUI. I said I didn't like the success rates and he responded by saying the success rates for fertility treatment in general weren't good. I don't know how the conversation changed to cattle but he did mention that a cow that took more than 2 or 3 attempts to get pregnant it would have its head removed!!! I laughed and told him that I hoped he didn't do that to me! After some discussion we agreed that I would do 1-2 clomid cycles to boost ovulation and support my luteal phase (progesterone on the second cycle if I spotted on the first), followed by 1 or 2 IUI's (the second only if I agreed) and then move onto IVF if there was still no sign of a BFP. Everything was quickly explained by one of the nurses and I was given a script for 50g Clomid and a pathology request for my husband to check his Vitamin D levels and a few other things. All in all I left feeling positive and hopeful. I start my first round of Clomid on Day 5 of my next cycle- which is in less than 2 week. Fingers crossed :)

Another year

Well it's 2013. We started trying to conceive in mid-2011 and I feel mixed emotions now that 2012 has come and gone without a pregnancy. I feel my blog posts are indicative of where I am at emotionally and my need to come back and post today is a sign that I'm struggling a bit right at this moment. I've learnt to cope much better as each month passes but I still have moments where that nagging feeling way down inside rises to the surface and makes me feel like this is never going to happen. There I said it. I'm worried we might not be able to get pregnant. Through the smiles, the positive self-talk and the words of congratulations that I try so hard to sound genuine when someone else falls pregnant I feel alone and sad sometimes. I allow myself to feel these emotions when they come- to flop on my bed and cry into my pillow in a moment of despair- and then try and move on. It definitely doesn't help to wallow in my own self-pity so I try and brush myself off and get on with life. I have to encourage other people trying to conceive to talk to family and friends about it. It is such a relief to not have to make up excuses for not drinking and to have those around us be more careful about comments about pregnancy or babies that can be upsetting. Having said that my husband's cousin fell pregnant after literally a couple of days of trying and her mother and father went on and on about how easy it was for her during Christmas Day lunch despite the fact that they knew we had been unable to get pregnant ourselves. I know it's not intentional to make us upset but some people can be insensitive. Overall, 2013 is starting with the hope to focus on improving what I can control, letting go of what I can't and enjoying any experience and opportunity that comes my way. I also hope to be more relaxed and able to 'go with the flow'. I truly hope to get some followers to my blog this year so if you're out there please let me know :)