Predicting the future...

Do I make too many plans? Sometimes I think I do. I wish I could just 'go with the flow', 'take each day as it comes' and 'live for today' but my brain resists the uncertainty of it all. The doubt that maybe things won't work out OK in the end after all is ever-present in the deepest parts of me. I suppress these thoughts underneath the positive self-talk that some days just feels a tad forced. I got another Big Fat Negative (BFN) pregnancy test today. Another month bites the dust. I felt empty and sad and desperate and did something I never thought I would do. I had a psychic reading. Now I'm a bit of a skeptic. I think I'm pretty open-minded and have really seen the benefits in 'alternative' therapies such as acupuncture, chinese medicine, naturopathy and of course yoga and meditation, but a psychic reading was just a bit too far outside my comfort zone. So I'm not 100% sure what made me want to go ahead with it. The seed was planted in my mind by some ladies at work who often have psychic readings. My co-workers aren't the 'airy-fairy' alternative types and I started to think that it couldn't hurt. So I googled a lady who not only gave psychic readings but also taught yoga and a special fertility meditation class. I liked the sound of her and so booked a phone appointment today. It's been an hour or so since our phone call and I have to say I'm definitely glad I did it despite some last minute hesitations. Julia was lovely and although I still have some doubts in my mind I feel less desperate about the whole TTC journey. She was quite detailed- no vague statements- and so confident in her comments that I couldn't help but feel a type of reassurance. I was told that I had a baby boy waiting to come first- which made me tear up unexpectedly. Julia told me to think about the boy and even start to talk to him. He wouldn't come straight away but towards the end of this year depending on a few things. She thought I would have three children eventually- a boy, a girl and then a boy (or a girl with a "hell on wheels" energy).I won't go into all the details because there was so many but I took away the messages to try and relax, have fun, spend quality time with my husband and do the things we want to do while we can. I know there will be those of you who are seriously critical of this type of thing and to be honest if I was reading somebody else's blog and read this post I would be the same. But whatever my logical brain tells me I do feel calmer and happier than I did this morning. I have hope- and that's what makes the uncertain future a little bit easier to face...