Monday, 27 February 2012

The Two-Week Wait (2WW)

Aaaah my favourite time of the month. Not! Last week was our fertile period (at least I hope it was-LOL) and now the wait begins. Over the past 7 months I have 'experienced' just about every early pregnancy symptom there is. Metallic taste in the mouth. Check. Sore nipples. Check. Fatigue. Check. Nausea. Check. It really makes me question my sanity when I get a negative pregnancy result after all these fake symptoms. Am I just more aware of my body or is my mind creating symptoms to trick me? I experience spotting (brown to red) every month in the lead up to my period which makes it very confusing. Early on in the TTC journey I would think hopefully "Is this implantation spotting?" but this month when I got my first spot last night I didn't read anything into it. In fact my monthly spotting is one of those very frustrating things that nobody besides me and my acupuncturist seems to be concerned about. My Gynacologist and two GP's (general practitioners) have pretty much laughed off my concerns and told me to "relax". Pre-menstrual spotting seems to be a common occurance for women (based on my fertility degree from the Univeristy of Google) although I am concerned that it is mostly experienced by people trying to conceive. For some reason I get very irritable the day or so after I get my first sign of spotting...I think it's a combination of PMS and disappointment. I hope this month things are different but if they're not then we'll try again in March. I'm reading back over this post and know that the tone is different from my posts before ovulation. It is just more effortful to be positive at the moment. My acupuncturist was right when she said that contentment was hard to obtain and even harder to maintain. So I'm just going to accept I'm in a bit of a low spot at the moment and make sure I do things that I enjoy and that help me to relax. I'm going to keep up my exercise and yoga as well as continue to listen to the short meditation apps on my iPhone. I know there are so many people out there who are experiencing true hardship and distress and I think I'll focus on keeping them in my thoughts so that I can get out of my own head- so to speak. My favourite saying of all time is "Your perception is your reality"  and I know that I can see this experience however I choose to. Yes there will be peaks and troughs but I believe that my husband and I will have a family one day- in what ever way that means. On that note, I thought I'd share another saying that I have written on the whiteboard in my study that I have to remind me not to give up hope:
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end"

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